Mindfulness/Mindlessness

Mindfulness or Mindlessness… Why did a friend take his own life?

Today I had a sudden moment of personal clarity, a sudden moment of understanding, or a 'revelation' – call it what you will ….

My wife has been studying Yoga and for those that know my wife you will know that means she's been studying and studying, reading prodigiously and therefore learning about many aspects associated with, and surrounding, Yoga!

I have had L5S1 sciatic nerve issues for some 30 odd years even to the point of surgery some time ago. That sciatica still comes back periodically in the form of back and especially leg pain, meaning those back muscles need some physio or work to build them back up. But on this occasion my wife said “I think I can help you with that .. with some Yoga.” So, after some cajoling I tried it and I was surprised to find that, even after only a few sessions, those stretching 'poses' helped … that is the gateway to my moment of 'clarity.'

Over the years I have tried mind relaxation techniques and failed as I could never get my head turned off! It got to be so frustrating so I quit trying. Doing those few Yoga sessions though meant I had to try that 'head turned off' process again and, like before, I struggled with that process of mindfulness! I didn't get how to do it!

As I come to this point in my life (over 60 years) with a science based 'cause and effect' background, I'd get even more frustrated asking myself “Why can't I turn my head off!” I just don't get what mindfulness is …. until today!

GOOGLE “Mindfulness” and one definition that pops up, from the Mayo Clinic, is:

“Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment. Practicing mindfulness involves breathing methods, guided imagery, and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress.”

Great … but what does that mean when you are trying to get your mind relaxed and become mindful?

During those first few Yoga sessions, both in the initial breathing steps and then in the closing shavasana relaxation stage, I found myself starting to understand the 'in the moment' phrase … I have a long way to go but as I lay there and trying to be cognizant of my surroundings and to constrain my thoughts to the moment, I began to really 'hear' what was going on around me … I heard AND noted the AC thermostat click, the AC air start to blow, the gas hiss of the fire pilot light, the rain starting outside, the wind in the railings on the porch, Lili (the dog) chewing her ball .. and much more ... and through that concentration my mind got pulled back from the wild wandering, it was just a little less haphazard, a little more controlled and … maybe … making a little progress towards some level of mindfulness.

So I wanted to learn a little more and found a Wondrium Great Lectures Course: Practicing Mindfulness - An Introduction to Meditation (Prof. Mark W. Muesse, Ph.D.) Within the first 2 lectures I had found a message that made sense to me …

My minds' natural state and so it would seem that for the vast majority of humanity is a constant stream of random and uncontrollable thoughts, arriving from unknown places … but many of them will reflect concerns or unsettled memories of passages from the past or pondering of where things will go in the future … these 'mind' thoughts are random, cyclic, varying and CONSTANT!! (There is an early exercise in that lecture course that will make that more apparent … try it!)

Try for a moment sitting quietly … try to really hear and sense all around you and, as the above definition states 'without interpretation or judgment' let that local awareness-ness become the primary content in your head and it will lead you to a more mindful head place … It did for me and I found myself moving away from uncontrolled randomness and towards a state of MINDFULLNESS! The randomness was still there but I began to notice that 'wandering' and could pull back to a quieter place.

The Mindfulness lecture calls that other mind condition of chaotic, totally random, cyclic thoughts, as being in a state of: MIND-LESS-NESS!

That very counter descriptor, in and of itself, gave perspective helping me to define and therefore understand MINDFULNESS. That was my moment of personal clarity … and then I came to a further realization.

That same course's first lecture also very briefly discusses an action that I had never understood.

The lecturer discusses: …

(Quote)

“Mindlessness comes at a very high cost. A cost that I hope you'll agree is too high. To put it in its most general terms, living with a mind that we don't know very well, that is often out of control, and semi conscious much of the time, causes us, and others to suffer greatly! Probably far more than we realize.

Budha, an individual who knew the mind far better than most of us put it this way “Whatever an enemy can do to an enemy, or a foe to a foe, the ill directed mind can do to you even worse.”

Is it any wonder, we so frequently attempt to silence or alter our minds with drugs, amusements or other forms of distractions?

It's probably no coincidence that individuals who chose to end their lives by gunshot, almost always put the bullet through their heads.…. fortunately, most of us don't reach this mind driven point of despair.” (End Quote) (There is more to that quote on such mental anguish but for me the point was made.)

I thought of my friend!

A few years ago a friend took his own life – by gunshot. In the time just before his last act, I and mutual friends had thought he was in the best place he had ever been. After years of challenges and 'on and off dating' he had found 'the one' … moved to be with her and was about to get married. With only a week or so to go to the wedding he went outside and killed himself!

Today for the first time I have begun to understand how he got there! Not his 'why', not the specifics of his demons but rather the impact that uncontrolled thoughts that bounce around in the mind can have on some people. For years things may not have been right for him but now they seemed to us they were, but for him perhaps all he could do was dwell on the dark past and maybe conjecture that eventually the future would be no different. As he did take that final step he must have been locked into a very dark place and saw no way out!

The concept or state of 'mindlessness' I can readily understand - I have 'squirrel brain' all the time, but I have now begun to understand the more relaxed state of MINDFULNESS … and perhaps even more importantly – how I can, to some extent, move my brain away from that mindlessness mode to a quieter place.

For those in the darkest chaos of spiraling uncontrolled thoughts, that 'mindlessness' could quite possibly seem inescapable because their mind 'can not be turned off' … there is no switch until they reach despairingly for their personal alternate 'off button.'

There are many around us who have taken that path and many that still will …. becoming aware of and learning a 'tool' to help break that chaotic cycle will help I'm sure.

Mindfulness is much more than a word!

DR. August 17, 2023